Mask – A Painting of Teenage Disconnection & Growth

This painting is a reflection of how I felt at 17—I painted it in 2008. As a teenager, this was my everyday reality. I wasn’t studying what I loved; I was an extreme overachiever, chasing results. Without even realizing it, I was putting on a mask every single day at school.

I could feel the disconnection. On the outside, I looked fine, happy even. But inside? Gosh—I was so sad. I would cry after school, not even knowing why. It’s funny how, out of four years at Gymnasium, the strongest memories are of the pain and disconnection. For a long time, that sadness stayed with me. But as I grew, I came to understand—I had been completely misaligned. I chose that school not because it was right for me, but because I didn’t want to be surrounded by the people attending the one I truly wanted. I doubted the quality of education there, but maybe, deep down, I was actually afraid of failing. It felt safer to be among non-artists, where I could stand out, rather than in a place where I would have to measure myself against true creatives.

But the irony? I was so shy that barely anyone even knew I was painting. It was all just a fantasy I built and lived in.

Looking back, I don’t regret it. Maybe my gentle soul would have been crushed by a careless comment too soon. Maybe I needed this experience to show me exactly what I didn’t want—so I could create something different. And I am. Even if it took 16 years, I am doing it.

I want to start here because, back then, I couldn’t describe my feelings—I could only paint them. This painting was my voice when words failed me. And now, seeing it again, I just want to give my teenage self a big, warm hug.

With my ability now to put things into words, to see with a new perspective, and to embrace it all with love, it feels so good to reflect and acknowledge this part of me.

I vividly remember someone wanting to buy this painting, and I refused to sell it. I just couldn’t bear the thought of this sadness hanging on someone’s wall. And now, it makes perfect sense. With my current body of work, where I explore emotions so deeply, I understand how intentional I am about what I share with the world.

This journey has taught me something essential—there is a time and place for transformation and a time and place for elevating the world. Both are important, but they serve different purposes.